Suicide, Grief and Loss Part 5

MY PERSONAL WAY OF MAKING SENSE OF MY FRIEND’S DEATH.

Robbie Gee

9/14/20243 min read

I do not think I will ever know the exact reason she took her own life, and that is very painful. I have looked through different aspects of life, death, and suicide, and come to the conclusion that sometimes there is nothing more you can do to prevent someone from taking their own life.

In recent years, and I subscribed to this, there has been a lot of political talk about working towards “Zero deaths by suicide”. Whilst this seems like an ideal aspiration that one death by suicide is too many, it can never be achieved, as people have free will. This idealism creates pressure on friends and families who are bereaved by suicide. A transfer of pain and judgement on them, and those that work with them.

There are no easy answers, and for each person that is bereaved by suicide, there will be questions that can never be answered. Did she suffer, did she wake and know that she was dying? And so many more. For me, trying to find a way of grieving, saying goodbye and celebrating the bond we shared, seemed to be the only way I can begin to accommodate the loss.

I decided to create an online storybook of memories, and write a short piece about my friend to publish on this blog. Everyone’s experience of grief is unique, there are no limits on how long you should grieve, or how you should feel. Given space and the opportunity to talk about the person and reflect, then most people can find a way to work through their pain. The pain does not go away, but we find ways to accommodate the loss and hurt.

REMEMBERING LUCY

We came together like two worlds colliding

two people living life on the margins.

Lives that did not conform to other people’s ideas,

sharing the scars of trauma past,

Feeling everything so intensely, pain, despair, and love,

fighting battles that no one could see.

You sparked a fire in me, gave meaning to my life,

you saw the good in me.

You trusted me with your heart and

that I shall cherish forever.

I never got to say goodbye.

The pain of emptiness is too real.

Could I have been there anymore?

I miss you with every breath,

with every tick of the clock.

You are gone but always there.

I see you in the in brooding clouds,

and in the starry skies,

I call to you, but you are gone.

I remember with love the time we had,

the ups and downs, and how we bounced back.

I am grateful for the time we had,

and the hope you gave me in troubled times.

So now I must learn to live without you,

in the knowledge you are free from pain. You are free.

USEFUL ORGANISATIONS

FREE ONLINE MEMORIAL

Create Free Online Memorial Fundraiser & Obituary Pages | Cake (joincake.com )

AMPARO

Support for those affected by someone’s death by suicide

Referral Line Call: 0330 088 9255

https://amparo.org.uk

ATALOSS

AtaLoss was established as a charity in 2016, to raise awareness of the effect of bereavement, provide a central signposting and information service for everyone bereaved and to train and equip community support.

AtaLoss.org is the UK's signposting and information website for bereaved people

CALM

Helpline: 0800 585 858 (national) Every day 17.00 – midnight

thecalmzone.net

PAPYRUS

Prevention of young suicide

Call: 0800 068 4141 Open 24 hours every day

Text: 88247

Papyrus UK Suicide Prevention | Prevention of Young Suicide (papyrus-uk.org )

SAMARITANS

Call: 116 123 Open 24 hours every day

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen