Suicide, Grief and Loss Part 6

IF YOU ARE CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE OR FEELING LIKE YOU CANNOT GO ON.

9/15/20246 min read

Here in my home county of Lincolnshire, we have a higher rate of death by suicide than the national average. Resources to help people at risk of suicide are spread thinly across the county, and in many places run by volunteers within religious organisations. This for me, due to previous traumas, would create a significant barrier to accessing support, and this could be true for other people. When you feel vulnerable, who do you go to? What if they do not believe you? Or think your situation is not that bad? From my own experience accessing support, it can be tremendously difficult taking that first step. If there is someone you trust, speak with them and ask them to help, and support you when you speak to people trained to help. If you do not get a response that is helpful from an organisation, keep trying. Try and focus on the fact you are worth fighting for.

A significant risk factor of being bereaved by suicide is the increased risk to yourself. You might be feeling very low, helpless, lost and as if you cannot go on. These emotions are commonly reported by those who have been bereaved by suicide. If these feelings persist, or you feel you are at risk of hurting yourself or ending your own life, please reach out. These feelings and urges can come in waves, and as such there are things that can help you deal with the intense emotions until you feel safer. Below are some common beliefs about suicide.

Myth: Asking someone if they are feeling suicidal, or have plans to end their life, will put the idea in their head and make them more likely to kill themselves.

Fact: It is safer to ask about suicide than not to ask. Research shows that it is not dangerous to ask. If the answer is yes, the person with thoughts of suicide can be supported. If the answer is no, then you can discuss why the question was asked. People who have suicidal thoughts often report they found some relief in being able to talk about their thoughts and feelings about suicide openly.

Myth: People who talk about ending their life are attention-seeking.

Fact: Anyone considering suicide needs help and support. They are in pain and may feel hopeless. Most people who die by suicide have talked about it first; we should always take seriously anyone talking about suicide.

Myth: People who talk about suicide are mentally ill.

Fact: Whilst some people who die by suicide have mental health problems, many people who have thoughts of suicide have no mental illness.

Myth: If you talk to a professional about thoughts of suicide, you will be sectioned (detained under the Mental Health Act).

Fact: A section is only used when three people (an Approved Mental Health Professional or nearest relative and two doctors) agree that the person is suffering from a mental disorder, and needs to be detained for assessment or treatment - either for their own safety, or the safety of others. If the thoughts of suicide are not related to mental illness, or made worse by mental illness, it is unlikely that you will be sectioned.

Myth: It is only a minority of people who have thoughts of ending their own life.

Fact: Anyone has the potential to have thoughts of suicide. Official figures estimated that 1 in 5 people have thought of taking their own life at some point, and 1 in 15 people have attempted to end their own life.

Myth: It is weak and selfish to consider suicide.

Fact: People who attempt suicide are usually struggling with feelings of pain, despair, hopelessness, worthlessness or other intense feelings. They may believe that suicide is the only way out, and be unable to see beyond their intense thoughts and feelings.

Myth: It's easy to tell if someone's thinking about suicide.

Fact: Whilst some people present as being severely depressed and low, or agitated, there are just as many people that appear okay. Sometimes it can be about a behaviour change. An example of this could be when a depressed person appears to suddenly improve. This could be due to a sense of relief they may feel after deciding to die by suicide. I would always say to anyone who is concerned about a person, talk to them about their thoughts, feelings and plans.

Myth: Self-harm is always a sign that someone is thinking about suicide.

Fact: Many people self-harm as a way of coping with difficult feelings, but are not thinking about suicide. If you are concerned that someone's self-harm may be linked to thoughts of suicide, the only way to be sure is to ask.

Myth: If you take your life, people will be far better off without you

Fact: Suicide has a profound and devastating impact on people left behind. Someone considering suicide may feel that they are a burden to others around them, and be unable to recognise the effect that their death will have on loved ones.

Myth: Suicide is easy and painless.

Fact: People may perceive suicide as painless because they anticipate it will bring relief to their own unbearable mental or emotional pain. Many suicide attempts are not fatal and can leave the person with permanent damage to their body and/or brain.

Myth: If someone wants to kill themselves, there is little that can be done to stop them.

Fact: A lot of suicides can be prevented. Research suggests that most people who are suicidal are not 100% decided about dying, a part of them wants to live, and needs help to find a way to stay alive. Doubts about suicide can remain up to and including the point of dying.

Myth: I have failed if I need to ask for help again and again.

Fact: No matter how many times you have asked for help, it's okay to need help again and again. Reaching out and asking for help is an act of courage, not failure. The fact that you are alive now and asking for help can remind you that you have survival skills you can use again.

IF YOU ARE THINKING OF ENDING YOUR OWN LIFE

If you are thinking of ending your own life here are some pointers that might help manage the thoughts and feelings until you can get support.

1. Wait. Take a breath and make a decision not to do anything right now. These are thoughts and feelings which you do not need to act upon. You need time and help to work through what feels like insurmountable problems. When we are struggling to cope, our mind limits our problem-solving skills and negative feelings can become more prominent. Remember thoughts and feelings CAN change.

2. Secondly, try not to be on your own. Try and be with someone you trust, who knows that you are thinking about suicide, and who will help you stay safe for now. This could involve going to a place which feels safe, or a busy environment where you are not alone.

3. Thirdly, try to keep remove items which you might use to harm yourself, or use to end your life. This could involve removing planned methods of suicide and/or asking someone to help you with this. It could also mean keeping yourself away from a specific location.

4. Avoid alcohol or illegal drugs. Often they can intensify your feelings, making you more likely to behave impulsively.

5. Talk to people who are trained to help people with suicidal thoughts, feelings and behaviours. For people in Lincolnshire if you require emotional support or less urgent signposting, please call the mental health helpline on 0800 001 4331. The phone line is open 24 hours every day.

6. Children and young people in Lincolnshire, seeking emotional support, can contact “Here4You’ advice line at 0800 234 6342. The advice line is open 24 hours every day. They can also self-refer online at www.lpft.nhs.uk/young-people/lincolnshire/young-people/self-referral

7. If these are not working, or you cannot keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to Accident and Emergency (A&E).

In the final blog in this series I will look at being bereaved by suicide and what getting support looked like for me.

Listed below are some organisations that offer support to people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, or for those people who are concerned that someone they know is at risk of death by suicide.